It's sad...

After signing out of my hotmail account, just now, my eyes were drawn to an article advertised on the MSN homepage. The title was "How to leave your wife or how to leave your husband". It was a sad article as the emphasis was on making sure you are financially secure before you break your vows to your spouse! No advice relationally, just make sure you have made your financial plans!!

4O years on...

I was talking with a guy yesterday who, in October this year, will have been married for 40 years. He and his wife were both married at age 22. As I am getting married this year I asked what his advice would be as I start out on the road of marriage. His advice was incredibly simple and genuine, as tears welled up in his eyes as he encouraged me to do what he had said. Always tell your wife that you love her and always keep communication open! Be expressive and be approachable! Be affectionate and open! Say you love her and show her you love her by being available and accessible. Don't zone in on TV, or other pursuits, all the time and leave no room for your wife to know, and feel the knowledge, that she is your ultimate pursuit. I was quite challenged by this guy.

He shared with me the story of his daughter who got married, and a week into the marriage had her husband tell her that the romancing was over, it was time to get on with things. He added quickly that the situation had changed, and that they were now in a romance-filled and committed marriage. However, he used that as a springboard into the advice that once you get married the romance doesn't end but simply begins! It is the beginning of making every effort to woo your wife and to surround her with love, encouragement, protection, and everything she may need to be all that she can be for Jesus! It's the beginning of loving her as Christ loved the church. Caring for her needs and desiring her good above your own. There is a big call, and challenge, upon us as men in many areas of life. Especially in marriage. We are called to make sacrifices in almost every sphere of our lives. In marriage, however, the sacrifices are sweet as they are opportunities to show and express your love to your love. I don't think I am an unrealistic guy, making these sacrifices, I know, will not always be easy; sometimes we are going to want to get our own way; sometimes we may not feel like expressing those things, but that is not the point. The point is that we have entered into covenant so we keep on doing those things, and after 40 years my encourager says keep on going; keep telling her you love her; keep talking to her; be accessible for her to talk to you; romance her; and never give up! Good advice I think!

The Real John Piper

I know what you're thinking... my music taste has changed, I have discovered a deep sense of appreciation and liking of Eminem, and am about to "bust a groove" to the tune "Would the real Slim Shady please stand up", except to the words "would the real John Piper please stand up"? I can happily, and hastily, inform you that I am NOT thinking such thoughts!

So, you might be thinking, what's with the title of the post? Over at the Desiring God blog, Abraham Piper has posted his introduction that he gave to his dad, John Piper, at the very recently concluded Desiring God Pastor's conference. The conference was titled "Pastors as Fathers and Sons", or something close to that anyway. Each year at the conference John Piper gives a biographical message, and this year it was on his father, Bill Piper, who died in March 2007(it was the death of his father that prompted the conference theme). Abraham Piper introduced John Piper before the delivery of that biographical message. You can read Abraham's introduction here.

Why comment on the introduction? Simply this, when I listen to John Piper I tend to be blown away by his love for Jesus, the Bible, people, and, combining those, his passion for people to be living their lives according to the Bible so that Jesus may be glorified in, and through, us and that other people may see, in one of countless ways, that He is glorious, as our joyful obedience points toward His immeasurable worth! Now, let me CLEARLY state, this is not a worship session of John Piper, or an elevation of him to the heights of perfection, not at all! I do remember that Romans 3v23 is in the Bible! However, I have no problem in stating the fact that I have a great respect for the man and have learnt, and continue to learn, much from his teaching and example.

So... the point in the post? The undeniable lesson that it takes much more to define a man than a ministry. Great talent and gifting does not mean great character. Knowing the right things to say does not mean that you strive to be the right person to the right people. It is a confirmation that to learn who I really am, and what I am really like, you do not need to hear me preach, but you do need to talk to Kerry. Now, I hope that I am true and faithful while preaching, or ministering in some way to people, but I can fool people just as well, if not better, than anyone. Now, of course, it is possible to fool Kerry, but much less possible. I like Abraham Piper's introduction because it makes me wonder what Kerry would say about me, or what my kids (if the Lord blesses) will say about me. Will they be able to say that I am there for them, that I love them, that I taught them about grace and justice, that I was faithful to them? Will they be able to say that I made sacrifices for their good and enjoyment? Will they be able to say that I was, and am, concerned for God's glory? Concerned, and interested, in academic development? Will they be able to say, that among many things, "it’s best, for me, at least, that he’s a dad. I admire him." Kerry and I get married this summer and I hope someday she can say those things, apart from being the father to her part obviously. I hope she, and others, can say it, not to make me feel big and proud, but because it means I will have been of benefit to them and that it would be a sign of me striving to be all that I can be as a Christian man, husband and father! O Lord, may it be so!

As a confirmation, the comments on Piper led me to examine and question myself, not compare myself in any way.

Leadership...?

While reading through a few blogs, that are linked to Gary's blog, I came across a very helpful post on Gemma Roche's blog. Gemma quoted from a book that she has been reading through called "Doing Things Right In Matters Of The Heart" and added to that quote her own personal commentary, which I encourage all of you to check out as the honesty and genuineness of it has resonated with my own heart. Here's the quote from "Doing Things Right In Matters Of The Heart":

In matters of the heart, it is right that men should lead and women welcome and guide that leadership. She is helpmate (gen2v18). Her goal is to give her man all the help he needs to lead well. His goal is to humbly accept the responsibility and not run from it or wield it like a club.
The guidance that she provides him comes mainly in two forms: in helping him think clearly and encouraging him to act confidently. What comes from this is a shared victory. If it proves a mistake, it is borne together. Either way, what is fostered is true unity of spirit which is the heart of the matter, where the two become one. We have to work at it, but if we do, true unity is fostered and preserved in the complementary exchange of male leadership and female guidance.

Since Kerry and I got engaged, many thoughts and fears of inadequacy and failure on my part have flooded in at times. The fear of failure I mean is the failure to lead well, to live in the model that Christ Himself has displayed for us in His relationship with the church. At times in my own ignorance, and with my lack of understanding, I see the job of leading in a way that is not practical, never mind having to question its biblical roots. Thtat's why this quote is so helpful, and Gemma recounting her own experiences in a different relationship and different position in this "leadership struggle"-it shows the struggle is universal.
We know that what God has told us to do, in all areas and aspects of life and practice, are primarily for His glory but also for our good and benefit. So, when we obey the teaching given on the roles of husband and wife in marriage, Christ is glorified and exalted and seen clearly in the relationship and also the couple live in peace and unity and with a greater and deeper love resulting because we are living according to God's precept for marriage.
Obviously, we would hope, there would be few believers who get married for the sake of it, but because of the love for our future wives/husbands or, as the case is for alot of you, our husbands or wives. For this reason then, and for the glory of the Lord, we need to strive to live in this way. And the above quote helps shape it I think. It is a JOINT effort! The man leads and his wife helps him to see things that he may not already see and to clarify his thoughts and then encourages him to act confidently. Awesome! It's not the rule of the dictator but of the man who loves his wife so intently that he must do what is right firstly, before God, but secondly for his wife's good and pleasure. Obviously, i love Kerry a heck of alot and for that reason want to be a good man, a good husband, a good leader so that she feels safe, loved, respected, honoured and cared for. So, will you pray for me to this end? And if you want this same thought and prayer reciprocated, please leave a comment and I will be sure to remember you as we all strive to live and to love in the way that Christ has shown and commanded.